CATBOY OUTRACES RAINDROPS IN BIZARRE BICYCLE SPECTACLE

September 6, 2026By Max the Cryptid Reporter

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Reward Doubled: $50,000

For verifiable footage of CATBOY pedaling. The rainstorm tape shows his tail acting as a stabilizer — analysis pending.

Exhibit A — The Deluge Ride

The half-cat, half-boy figure riding a bicycle down a rain-soaked street at night — entire scene drenched except the rider

Tuesday, 3:47 PM. Note the visible cone of dryness and the tail streaming like a pennant. Everything in frame is soaked — except him.

The Story:

While the National Weather Service issued flash flood warnings and sensible citizens hunkered down, one enigmatic figure chose to make a spectacle of the storm. At approximately 3:47 PM on Tuesday, the legendary Catboy was observed riding a vintage Schwinn through the heart of Tuscaloosa’s worst deluge in a decade, pedaling with such ferocity that rain appeared to curve around him in a visible aerodynamic cone of dryness.

Key Evidence

🐾Estimated 40 mph uphill, against the wind — on a vintage Schwinn (eyewitness Grady Whitfield, retired pharmacist and noted skeptic).
🐾Fur completely dry in a flash-flood warning zone. Rain visibly curved around the rider in a cone.
🐾Tail used as a stabilizer through turns — Dr. Meowton suspects a hydrokinetic device of interdimensional origin.
🐾Rang a small brass bell at the eyewitness before vanishing toward the old water tower.
🐾A trail of evaporating puddles followed his route for six blocks (Meowton field survey).

The Weird-o-Meter

“On a standard wetness scale, I’d give this a 9.7 on the Weird-o-Meter,” said Dr. Patricia Meowton during an impromptu press conference held under a beach umbrella. “The combination of impossible pedaling cadence, rain-repelling fur, and the sheer audacity to ride a bicycle with a tail that long? It defies aerodynamic convention. It’s as if he was toweling the street as he rode. This is not a cat. This is a phenomenon with a heartbeat and questionable taste in bicycle accessories.”

🧠 Why This Matters

The Tuscaloosa Department of Transportation issued a terse statement about “working with federal partners,” and a new ordinance quietly requires all city bicycles to carry “weather-shielding devices.” Independent analysts note the phrase “federal partners” is doing a lot of heavy lifting. If Catboy is commuting by bicycle now, the question is no longer whether he exists — it’s where he’s going, and why the city is suddenly so interested in bicycle safety.

💬 Join the Discussion

Tiny bicycle clips: practical solution or calculated taunt?

Is the brass bell a signature, a warning, or an invitation?

The water tower: portal, hideout, or just a fixer-upper?

Should the city's 'weather-shielding' ordinance be treated as a confession?

Episode 2 of 12 — Weekly Weird News. Revisit Episode 1: The 7-Eleven Return.