Durban Cemetery Has A Masturbation Problem

One must tip one's hat to the sheer audacity of the modern deviant. In an age where one can find virtually any form of gratification behind a glowing screen, there is a certain, albeit twisted, commitment to the physical act that drives a man to a cemetery. It speaks to a primal urge to desecrate, to find a thrill in the one place where the ultimate finality of life looms largest. Is this a cry for help, or a bizarre new form of ancestor worship? We at the Weekly Weird News are not clinicians, but we suspect it's the latter, and that's a genealogy test no one wants to take. The city's response, or lack thereof, is equally fascinating. To have a "masturbation problem" in a cemetery is to admit that the forces of chaos have breached even our final resting places. It's a bureaucratic nightmare; you can't exactly install "No Loitering" signs with a wink and a nudge. This is a problem that requires a delicate touch, and the city seems to be saying, "We're not touching that with a ten-foot pole," which, ironically, might be exactly the kind of deterrent needed. This incident is a stark reminder that the line between the sacred and the profane is thinner than we'd like to believe. It's a story about the eternal struggle between civilization and our baser instincts, and in this case, our baser instincts are winning, one headstone at a time. We can only hope the spirits of the departed have a sense of humor, or at the very least, a strong gag reflex. Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/Weird/comments/1vva3dc/durban_cemetery_has_a_masturbation_problem/